Who I Am

So I've talked before about being on my path. Knowing things that shape who I am and who I want to be on my journey. And the longer I listen to myself, the more I find out who I really am. The only problem with finding who I am is finding I'm nowhere near who I thought I was and nowhere near what society and other people would consider “acceptable”. Now though, I am okay with that. I have finally made my peace with who I am and it is more freeing than I ever thought possible.

So who I am, you ask? Well, grab a mug of coffee or tea and a comfy seat and I will share who I am and how I managed my journey. Because life may be a highway, but all highways have on and off ramps for amazing, sometimes challenging detours. Sometimes they are beautiful, sometimes mournful and then sometimes they are so awe-inspiring that you feel goosebumps when you mention something that resonates with your heart?

Religion is often something that makes up the majority of people. Following God, being a Buddhist, Taoist, Christian, Pagan or Gnostic. It's such a variety and there is a war with all of them. We're too worried about the terms to worry about the bigger picture. For me, I identify myself as a God and Goddess loving, Jesus following, nature loving, tree hugging hippie Kitchen Witch. Why all these things? Because I believe in the duality. I don't feel that God would be just male. I really believe that everything on Earth is made in “Their” image so it would have to be a duality. I believe in Jesus and His teachings, yet I believe He was our Earth-bound teacher. He respected the land, the people of different faiths and especially those who were different or not considered equal to other people. His teachings are basic life lessons that teach you how to be a good person. And yes, He did say that you should love your God with all your heart. But I feel my God is both a God and a Goddess. Two entities who form one.

So the nature loving, tree hugging hippie Kitchen Witch part. I really feel like a God/Goddess who put us on this Earth and talks so much about it in the beginning that They wanted us to have everything we need to take care of ourselves. Herbalism, Divination, Respect, enjoyment in the daily tasks are parts of me that are most important. Healthy living. Living out the role of a mom, healer and care provider for my family is best done in my Kitchen. Growing nutrition {aka a garden/herbs} and using that to heal my family. Using my energy and praying for guidance in my kitchen while I prepare things to nourish my families bodies and souls. Respecting nature. Giving back to it when I can by recycling and composting. Loving Earth by treating her with respect and teaching my children to respect and love it. Leaving a better Earth for my children and leaving better children for the Earth.

So we've covered the religion part. The next part is where I have finally have come to realize anyone who has a problem with who I am, really isn't accepting of themselves. When we finally accept ourselves as a whole and no longer worry about what others think of us, then we can do the same for other people. To find acceptance for other people, we have to look deep inside ourselves and find out who we really are. Admit our flaws {I'm horrible at follow through, talk a lot and might need to tone my arms and belly.} and acknowledge our strengths without feeling like we shouldn't brag {I'm a great doula, an awesome researcher and a fun mom.} then we can look at others and only see their strengths. When we knit-pick others we are doing it because we are projecting our thoughts onto them. Sometimes this can be a good thing. It gives us a chance to really see what we need to work on or let go off. Where we can further grow in our lives and where it is time to let the plant die so that we can make room for a new one. For a long time I have projected my problems and flaws onto other people. I never stop to consider that it was something I need to work on. Finally realizing that has set me free.

I don't like wearing makeup. But I look really amazing in it. So I do it to make myself feel beautiful when I want to. And only when I want to. Never more, never less. I do however, like wearing dresses and skirts all the time. I feel more like myself when wearing them. I went all through high school wearing pants and really was never comfortable. If I had known that I would feel a million times more comfortable in my own skin wearing dresses I would have done it ages ago.

And I like to make things, but my follow through sucks. I keep saying I want to open an Etsy shop, but I'm afraid that if I did I wouldn't keep up with everything. I'd forget to mail stuff or I'd suck at it. Honestly, I'd really love to open a shop up like the one in Practical Magic. Maybe I should work on that next. Add it in with my doula and midwife work. We'll see.

So I've shared who I am and where I am considering going, so sound off in the comments who you are and where you are going. Have you found out who you are? Are you working on it?


-The Anti-Mainstream Mom

Finding Direction

So obviously the blog has been lacking. And I'm super seriously sorry about that. I really have no good excuses other than life has gotten in the way. So what have I been up to? Well, life. Figuring out some more things, directions and goals for my family. Setting up breastfeeding groups, working on finding a midwife to work with, getting everything prepared for homeschooling/unschooling, figuring out a budget and finding out if we want to stay where we are or move closer to split the difference between our current jobs. Oh, and there is that. I took a summer job to help save up money to either a) by our own land and build up from the ground up or b) buy a cheap little house with a bit of land and turn it in to our very own homestead (or rent it).

So yes, choices, planning and finding direction. Finding out more of who I am, who my family is and where we want to be. Where our future lies. And none of these are easy decisions. The effect of these are going to dictate our next several years. And before we've kind of jumped and not planned. The fear of jumping this time is holding me back. With the results in the several previous times, I am not willing to go into our next life decision without a plan and enough money to support the decision.

For once though I am not thinking about anyone other than my little family of four. I'm not worried about what my parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles or grandparents will think. I am only worried about what is going to work best for my family. What is going to give us the life we wanted without any trouble. Without worrying about if we will have enough to provide for every day life and still be able to do everything we want in life. We are not going to compromise our goals of homeschooling/unschooling, gardening and living off the grid as much as possible, homesteading, and saving for anything. We know that we can find what we want and still have all of our integrity. We can still reach our goals. And along with not compromising our personal wants. I will not have to give up my goal of becoming a midwife and Anti-Mainstream Dad won't have to give up his life ambitions. He'll be able to work greater towards what it is he wants out of life.

Our family finally has a motto. It's not a Scripture or quote. It's just simply a goal. Our motto is a goal. “Find Yourself and Be Willing to Look Yourself in the Eye.” Nothing greater than true self love and acceptance is more important to our family. Because once we have accepted ourselves, then we are willing and open to working together and accepting everyone. So we will work towards our family motto/goal and work towards meeting all our life goals and no longer judge or regard anyone or anything with malice. We will simply be who we are and by being who we are, we will succeed in all our family goals.

Finding my Internal Beat

*Thump, thump-thump, thump, thuuuuummmmp*

Listen quietly. Sit in the calm and you'll hear it. You'll feel it.It's always been with you. It always will be. It's there beneath everything. Beneath every sound, vibrations and distraction. And until we discover that we have it, it can be rather quiet, not making enough noise to stir our attention.

The first sound we hear in the womb is our mother's heartbeat. We vibrate to that Primordial Rhythm even before we have ears to hear. ~Layne Redmond

 We each have our own internal beat.  A rhythm unique to each of us. One that drives our souls and stirs our passions. And it's beautiful and passionate. It ebbs and flows, stronger sometimes, softer others.

So what's your internal beat like? I don't know! And that's the beauty of it. I'm still learning my own. And when I find mine and you find yours, we'll make beautiful music together with our beats.

But I can share things that shape mine. They change weekly, monthly, sometimes hourly. But the are what forms the rhythm in my soul.

My beat is shaped by my family, my role in my family, my kids, nature, breastfeeding, music, my lifestyle and my job-being a doula. They make up my beat. My nurturing, caring, opinionated and wondrous beat.

What shapes yours?

Hugs & Coffee,
-The Anti-Mainstream Mom
Please take a second to join us on Facebook!

Word Wars and The Power of Words

It's hard to stop and think that in the age of technology that people consider words to be the sharpest tools to cut another person with. That we have gotten so far from the actual definitions of words that when used correctly they are attacking or demeaning another person or their way of life. 

The evolution of technology and language has been very sneaky. In the ever so amazing way to push us against each other and direct our attention from the real problems of the world we have created "word wars". 

These word wars have perverted the definitions of words and thoughts to the point that when used correctly it makes the other person feel defensive or degraded. At the same time we have taken the literal meaning out of words we have also taken words that are horrible and mean and made them acceptable or common place. 

The problem is how do we get rid of, well, the problem?

There is no simple answer either. If we were to simply start educating others on the true definitions and proper usage of words, we would still be degrading them. And most people wouldn't put it properly either. The would just spam up their Facebook wall timeline with Websters and Dictionary.com links about proper usage of words. (Oh I can see the havoc this would bring with words like faggot and retarded.) Which would then cause more word wars with the other person thinking that you are telling them they are uneducated or lack knowledge.

There is no delicate way to walk this path I fear. Maybe we need to start when our children are younger teaching them the value of words. Or maybe we need to unplug the internet and have our conversations out in the streets, face to face, with people we can touch and feel. Or better yet, maybe we need to link every single word to their definitions on Dictionary.com. Wait, never mind.... that would be the opposite of what I'm trying to do.

The point is, words can hurt when we take them personally. Words can hurt when we assume how another person is using them. Words can hurt when aren't sure of their actual definition. And words hurt most when we are feeling bad about our personal decisions.

The take-away, 
Please, teach your children the value, weight and importance of words. No matter if it's a "swear/curse" word or a simple word like sub-par.



Hugs & Coffee, 
-The Anti-Mainstream Mom


Please, take a second to "like" us on Facebook!