Giving too much of oneself?

As a mom, a doula, a childbirth educator and a friend, I'm a giving by nature. I love to help others solve problems, be successful and give them someone to lean on. It comes naturally to me. And it is a wonderful feeling to know that you are a reason why someone succeeded at their goal. It creates a high of sorts. 

But there is a terrible downside that no one speaks of. It's the side where you screw yourself over and you're left emotionally drained.

I am suffering from this feeling right now. 

And let me tell you, it sucks. 

It's not any of my professional jobs that get me. It's my personal ones that do. My friendships. I let them suck me dry until I'm no longer myself or I'm too exhausted to be around anyone. Where I get to the point where I want to hole up in a tree and pretend I'm the freaking Swiss Family Robinson. Or lost in the woods. I'll pretend the cars are the sound of a monsterous animal that is coming to eat me and my family and not in fact our known reality anymore. 

I'll run away to a big open field (in winter to avoid snakes) and pretend I have been taken to 17th century France by the Doctor and we are about to solve a mystery or save the Queen. I'll take my kids and we'll ride a few bicycles as far as our little legs will take us and then we'll have a picnic. 

Anything to escape the horrible feeling of being sucked dry by someone else. The feeling of exhaustion that there is really no coming back from until you've wandered alone or slept for days. Neither of which is possible with two young kids. 

So how do you fight it? How do you not let others suck you dry? How do you not wear yourself thin and feel like Cinderella or a cast member of Glee who's the weakest link in the club? 

You find what makes you happy. And you make damned sure you do that at least once a day. You learn to say "no" firmly and with dignity knowing that you need a day to yourself. You learn to immerse yourself in the moment with your children and relish that love. After all, the won't be that lovey forever. You learn to be fully into the birth that you are helping a woman through because you know she can achieve her goal and that you are going to cry right along with her. 

You unplug the computer, step away from everyone (easier said than done for a doula) and you take a day off. You run in the yard. You play in the snow. You make disgustingly bad for you treats with your kids with organic ingredients to make yourself feel a little bit better. You have a tickle war. You blow up balloons and you play volleyball with them. You breathe. You live in the moment and in real life. You step away from anyone and anything that raises your blood pressure and just BE. 

And if all else fails,

              there's wine. : )

How do you not prevent giving to much of yourself? Please share in the comments below. 

 Hugs and Coffee, 

-The Anti-Mainstream Mom

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